Astrid and the dark forest

It's always darkest before the dawn (self-portrait Sweden)

Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments. I can see no way, I can see no way. And all of the ghouls come out to play and every demon wants his pound of flesh, but I like keep some things to myself, I like to keep my issues drawn. It's always darkest before the dawn. And I've been a fool and I've been blind, I can never leave the past behind, I can see no way, I can see no way. I'm always dragging that horse around and our love is pastured such a mournful sound. Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground. So I like to keep my issues drawn, but it's always darkest before the dawn (Florence and the machine)

Thoughts...

It's my belief that we all have to find something that we are good at, something that enriches our lives, makes it worth living. For some it's clear to begin with and others search their hole lives for it. At the same time we have to kind of fit in to the structure, be part of society, make it all go around. Money rules the world in many ways, it can really give you opportunities, a feeling of security but in the end happiness has to come from inside of us. I have to decides what is best for me, what makes me happy. When we grow up we learn that the world is wide open, there is so much out there, waiting for us but at the same time we are hit by reality who says we have to seattle down, get a real job, have a family, play by the rules.  But what if that is not what will make you happy. Then you are seen as either a failure or really brave. There are people close to me who question my way of life, who doesn't understand. I don't make a lot of money on photography, I hope I will one day. But I make enough to make a living and the happiness I get from photographing or being creative is amazing. I love photographing people, to connect with them. In Sweden wedding photography is not so highly seen as in the US. But I don't care because it gives me good energy to be part of someones special day, to know that those images are gonna be treasured for a very long time and mean a lot to someone. And it's not easy photographing a wedding, you get one shoot at it and you have to focus all the time. I guess that is what I love about photography, that you have to be awake, you have be in the moment. I guess you could say photography is my kind of meditation. I have found something I'm good at, something that enriches my life, something that makes my life worth living.

May the stars carry your sadness away, May the flowers fill your heart with beauty, May hope forever wipe away your tears, And, above all, may silence make you strong. (Chief Dan George)

The girl and the tree

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why. (Sweden)

I had a dream where I swam with hundreds of snakes and the day after, in the countryside, I found this one by the road (Sweden)

My brother "the horse whisperer" (Sweden)

Dearest cousin ( Sweden )

Part 2

A clean slate

2011 was not my favorite year, too much loss, too much heartache and too little happiness. It had it's golden moments for sure but over all it was not a good one. When things get's really bad I always say that at least no one died, but sadly it was two times 2011 I couldn't say that. I might have gotten my heart broken by a foolish boy but compared to loosing people that is nothing. One of my favorite singer/poet has written a song where he sings: As long as I am here you will be here too. I think that is very beautiful and true. I will carry the memories of these people with me as I face a new year and new challenges.
Some of us like to make promises as we welcome the new year. Last night I decided that I need to start dreaming again. I wonder where they all went...I'm usually the person who tells other people that it is so important to dream and to believe that you can make it happen. I think that I kind of forgot myself on the way. I'm not unhappy, don't get me wrong but I think it's so easy to get comfortable, to stop challenging yourself and really put yourself out there. I think people like when there is a new year ahead of us because it feels like we are given a new chance, a clean slate. Now I just have to find out what I want to do with mine...but it will involve my love for photography for sure. I'll keep you posted...

xoxo